


It's Not Tinder

by NosJokes



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics)
Genre: Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Bruce just wants to protecc his bois, Cluelessness, Comedy, Damian was just minding his own business, Dick is not a good detective, Dick just wants somebody to love, Jason is laughing his ass off, M/M, Roy is not amused, Stupidity, This Is For You, accidentally swiping right, cringey, dating apps, derp, guys being dudes, shout out to my friend Ali for almost asking out my sister, silly things, why do i write this stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22248925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NosJokes/pseuds/NosJokes
Summary: Roy accidentally swipes right for Dick on a dating app and he freaks out.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Roy Harper
Comments: 19
Kudos: 122





	It's Not Tinder

Jason tried to say a word, whatever word, but whenever he tried, it was heavily replaced with another fit of laughter on Roy’s couch. He could hardly be allowed to breath. “So--” He took in a shaky breath with a shivering grin. “So first off, you’re on Tinder.”

“I’m not on Tinder!” Roy snapped while hanging his head low by his windowsill. “It’s just this dating app for guys…called TindHim…”

“Right…” Jason snickered again. “Second…” He paused for a moment before he started laughing, not even getting the rest of his thoughts out. 

“Dude, this is serious!”

In all honesty, Roy didn’t recognize him at all when he swiped right. First off, he went by the name Richard Gray on his profile. It would have taken him a while to put the pieces together at the moment, of course. And second, he wasn’t in his uniform, the one he’s used to, so he didn’t recognize his face when he saw it. All he saw was an extremely sexy man who kind of looked pretentious and douchey with his duck lips and bare abs shown from a mirror. However, Roy thought it’d be nice if he gave him a confidence boost, so he swiped right.

But it wasn’t before he noticed something extremely important in the background.

Roy returned to his profile to look at it. He took this picture in a bathroom somewhere, a messy bathroom, with clothes hanging everywhere. And among the articles of clothing were a Haley’s Circus shirt and blue and black bracelet in a striped pattern. But not just any blue, that perfect shade of blue that always reminded you of blue raspberry candy. That shade of blue that somehow glowed in the darkness from its color alone.

But it couldn’t be.

So he checked the rest of his photos. The photos he took with his friends, one of which he immediately recognized as Donna Troy, that man’s close friend and arguably long lost sister, the other obviously being Wally West from his shade of red hair alone. He saw another photo of him taken at a dramatic angle while he was balanced on a beam over 50 feet above ground. He saw another with his family huddled together to take a photo, unmistakably the group of soldiers Batman pulled together if they didn’t have their masks on, especially with Jason being included in that image.

But the moment he knew.

The official moment he knew.

Was when he saw a photo of him strutting That Ass™️.

Jason was barely a syllable into “I know!” before he started chuckling while doubling over. He wiped away his tears while trying to catch even one whiff of breath. “Oh my god…” He sniffed. “Okay. So Dick’s gay. This is news.”

“That’s not the point right now!”

“I know. I just love that this is how I found ou--” his voice went higher and higher until he couldn’t hold his laughter anymore and rolled off the couch to the ground. He kicked the air practically screaming. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I need a minute!”

“I might not have a minute! What he finds me back? I’d have to move out the country and change my name. I might have to _die!_ ”

That somehow made Jason laugh harder, but he eventually forced himself to take deep breaths to calm down. He stood up, walking over to the pacing Roy to put a hand over his shoulder, both practically shaking for different reasons. “Dude, listen. It’s not like you’re telling your dad or something, so chill. This is Dick. He’s…yeah, he’s _Dick_. And he’s gay too. Or bi or whatever. So he won’t judge. You got another option and nothing more.”

“Yeah, but he _knows_ me.”

“Well what the hell did you expect? You wanted to see some options who lived nearby. You’re probably gonna know some of them.”

“I didn’t know they’d be in the freaking Super Hero’s Guild! I thought at most I’d find Joker or something.”

Jason suddenly snorted, withholding another laughing fit imagining Roy talking to the Joker on Tindhim, then cleared his throat. “You’re being over-dramatic.”

“ _No I’m not!_ ”

Jason raised his hands up, “Chill out. It'll be fine. Listen, when’s the last time you guys talked?”

Roy blew up his cheeks with hot air until he blew it out his lips, slightly apart. “I don’t know, like...nine years ago…” He remembered because he hasn’t introduced his daughter to anyone on Teen Titans since he left, which happened two years before she was born. Saying it out-loud brought pain to his chest. They used to be really close.

“So he doesn’t know you’re rocking the truck driver from Florida look?”

“I don’t look like a truck driver--”

As he thought that, Jason shouted, “Candid!” and a bright series of flashes that he tried to block his eyes from filled the room. Jason then kept tapping away on his phone.

“Dude!”

“There.” He tossed Roy’s phone back as he said, “Now you’re Troy Boimann. He’s going to see you’re ugly as hell, swipe left, and never suspect a thing. Problem solved.”

Roy looked at his profile. Everything except his bio was tampered in an instant, his photos gone and name changed, a new man. “Troy Boimann?”

Jason shrugged.

* * *

After Miles Wright and Nick Edgeworth came up as options he swiped left for, he found an interesting photo of a guy named Troy Boimann. It was a poorly shot photo that was probably caught by surprise. Despite that, he still managed to look pretty cute. His charm was mostly due to him reminding him of Roy, but Dick didn't let himself have those thoughts.

It wouldn’t hurt to give him a confidence boost, he thought before he swiped right.

Suddenly his screen popped up with a message saying that this is a match! It’s been a while since something like that happened. He grinned a little and looked through his bio; he liked some things about him and he didn’t like others, but that’s just like anyone, right? He learned not to expect Prince Charming out of these apps, but it’d be cool to make a new friend at least. One who’s not at risk of dying on a day to day basis. Worth a shot to say hi.

He typed a message to him--‘Hey’--not really expecting a reply. 

* * *

Roy’s phone pinged, and his heart dropped once his notifications told him a message came from Richard Gray.

‘Hey’ it said.

“Holy crap. Is that from Dick?” Jason said.

“It is!“ Roy shouted back.

“Reply.”

“I’m not going to reply!”

“You must! The plot demands it!”

“Are you insane!?”

“No. I checked.”

Roy put his hands on his forehead, his life flashing before his eyes before he sat down on the couch like he was a sack of potatoes. Is this the end of his life? Will he really have to move out of the country?

“You’re still being overdramatic.”

“You think he knows it’s me?”

“You can ask.”

“But if I ask, he’ll know it’s me!”

“But you’ll never know until you ask.”

“ _Dammit!"_ He scratched his head during a 3 minute battle in himself. Then he decided to text back:

‘Hi’

Jason gave him a judgemental look. “Basic ass…”

* * *

Dick was glad. Though he knew better than to assume this guy wasn’t of the appropriate kind, if you know what he means. Still, talking is something to do.

‘How are you?’ he replied back.

‘I’m fine.’

‘Anything new and exciting this week?’

‘Not really.’

_Doesn’t talk much._ At least he’s replying, so Dick can tell he’s at least interested.

But then, the inevitable message that every weirdo on this app came to pass.

‘Would you care to exchange dicpics on this fine evening?”

_There it is._ Sighing, he closed the app and decided to spend the rest of his night playing Candy Crush instead. _Why do I even bother anymore?_ He truly wonders this. Dating apps are drowning in people like this; the shtick was long ago getting old. Plus it’s not like he’s not charismatic and brave enough to go find someone in public. He’s not desperate either; for someone like him, dates are easily accessible.

No, that’s not fully true. In public he wouldn’t dare expose this part of him somewhere where everyone can judge him. His phone was more private, something he could keep close to him that he didn’t have to share with others as long as he’s careful. But maybe he’s better off just sticking to the usual routine. It’s not like he’s _unhappy_ dating girls, and the fantasy of being with another guy wasn’t a _broken_ system.

At that thought, while Candy Crush reviewed his high score, a notification popped up on the top of his screen from Tindhim from Troy starting with “I'm really sorry! My…”

* * *

"Jesus Christ, you trying to hit him up or put him to sleep?"

He clutched a fist full of his red hair with one hand while the other robotic one gripped his phone. "I don't know what to say!"

Sucking his teeth, Jason yanked Roy's phone out his hand and helped himself to create a message.

"Hey!" Roy rushed over to see what Jason was doing, only to be flabbergasted by the result. “Why did you send that!?”

Jason looked at Roy as if he was confused about why he was furious. “What?”

“ _Dick pics!?_ ”

“Isn’t that what you do on these apps?”

“Give me my _PHONE_ back!” Roy shouted snatching his phone away as fast as he could. “Asshole!” He frantically typed his most sincerest apology to hopefully make up for that text.

* * *

‘I'm really sorry! My friend took my phone’

‘I’d appreciate it if you don't send me dick pics actually’

Chuckling, Dick replied, ‘Is this a prank for YouTube or something?’

‘I didn’t know what to say so he came up with that for some reason’

‘Sorry’

It was a likely story, just as likely to be false, but it was a decent save.

‘It’s fine. My friends do that to me too sometimes’

‘You don’t have to force a conversation if you don’t want to, you know’

It was bad advice since they’ll have to talk to see if they connect in the first place, but at the same time, they’ll have something to talk about if they had any chemistry. Plus, making a new friend shouldn’t be a chore.

‘I didn't mean it like that'

'I just wasn’t expecting you to message me and I’m kind flustered’

‘This your first time on a dating app?’

‘Yeah’

‘How’re you liking it?’

‘It’s okay I guess.’

‘It’s kinda slow but I met nice people so far.’

‘Really?’

‘Wow you’re lucky’

‘I must’ve gotten 100 guys asking me if we can bang right this second on this app’

‘It must be so hard being you, lol’

Dick didn’t realize until his reply that he sounded like he was trying to show off. ‘Not to brag or anything. I was just saying you get a lot of weirdos here.’

‘I'm not surprised. You’re very handsome if you don’t mind me saying. I can imagine you beating them off with a stick :)’

Dick gets that a lot, but something about the way he said it was more…pure intended. Not perverse or flirtatious, just his genuine thoughts and feelings. It warmed his chest and made him smile.

‘Thanks!’

‘You look cute too! :)’

* * *

“He wants the dick,” Jason said, uncomfortably close over Roy’s shoulder.

Roy slid away from Jason on the couch, yanking his phone away from his sight. While Jason followed behind him, Roy typed ‘You think so? Don't my pictures look weird?’

‘Was that on purpose?’

‘Nah. My friend messed with my profile and took some candid photos’

‘Your friend sounds like quite the prankster’

_Tell me about it_ , Roy thought.

“Talkin’ shit, eh!?” Jason shouted in Roy ear while looking at him with wide eyes. Then Roy pushed Jason’s face away while typing with his other hand.

‘He’s not so bad’

‘You must be pretty photogenic if this is a candid photo.’

‘You look delicious if you do or don’t mind me saying ;)’

Not expecting that response, Roy’s smile grew from ear to ear.

“You want The Dick too,” Jason said smiling slyly.

Then it vanished. “Shut up.”

“You want boffa the dicks.” Jason bobbed his eyebrows up and down.

“Shut the hell up--!”

Suddenly, an explosion in the far distance went off, creating a bright cloud of fire followed by black smoke.

* * *

Dick jumped at the sound. He looked out his window to see the Bludhaven Police Department down the street engulfed in roaring flames while men in masks swarmed in. 2 heartbeats later, he’s phone buzzed in his hand while Bruce awaited his answer.

He picked up immediately. “Yeah.”

His voice was cold and unloving, his working voice. “A bomb went off in Bludhaven.”

“I know.”

“It happened where you work--”

“I know, Bruce.” Dick always hoped for a day when Bruce can mind his own business in his own city, but a part of his heart knew that day will never come. “I’m on it.”

“Okay. Just wanted to give you a heads up."

“Thank you.”

A heartbeat passed.

“Would you like my help--?”

“Nope. I got this.”

“Of course you do. I'm just offering some extra help if you need it. Whether it’s me or Damian or both of us or Alfred if you prefer that. I can even get you a motorcycle or some smoke pellets if you're short on--”

“Bruce, I’m fine.”

“Okay.” He waited a moment before he added. “You know to shout for Superman if you’re in any deep trou--”

“I. Can. Handle this.” His tone was getting progressively more irritable, and it took all he could to not let it show as much.

“Alright. Be careful out there.” Finally he hung up and Dick made a sigh of relief. He sent a text message to Troy telling him that they’ll talk later and soon a text message came from Bruce starting with ‘I’m sending Damian over wi…’

Dick groaned to the sky aloud.

* * *

Roy was still in shock and didn’t even notice the ‘ping’ from his cell phone. “What the hell was that?”

Jason clicked his tongue before his eyes went wide. “Oh yeah! We were supposed to rob a bank at 11 with a league of super villains or some shit.”

“I thought that was next week.”

“Nah. It wasn’t.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Slugging on his chair with a frown, he said, “I’m not in the mood to go to be honest…there’s so much _moving_ and I have to use up some of my ammo and buying more bullets is _expensive_. Plus it’s in New York so Batman's gonna be there and he's gonna give me the _talk_ again--”

“Are you freaking kidding me right now?”

Jason flicked the TV in front of them while plopping his right boot on the coffee table. “Can’t you go and I stay here? I wanna watch Charmed on Netflix.”

Roy glared at him, a hellish glare that could cower even the mightiest of demons. Jason didn’t see that look, but he could feel it.

Using his most convincing puppy dog face, he then cried out to him, “And who’s supposed to watch your poor helpless daughter while her father risks his life to make a pesky buck to put food on the table—?”

“Get your ass up.”

“Ugh, fine.” Jason stood up, grabbing hold of any guns and explosives he had on the ground on sight before he hurried out the door after Roy.


End file.
